Regret is a word that instantly twists my stomach in knots. Either because a) I made a mistake and feel bad about making it and haven’t yet forgiven myself even though I’ve done my best to make the situation right again or b) because it gives me anxiety that I maybe I could have made a better choice somewhere down the line and will forever miss out on whatever opportunity I might have had.
Opportunities come and go. There isn’t anything we can do to
make sure we take every great opportunity that comes to us. But I’ve always
struggled to reconcile with my past choices. I get anxiety over the
“should’ve…could’ve….would’ve” moments in my life, and wonder if my life will
ever be as good as it could have been if I would have just done things
differently or ‘right’ the first time around, and now I must have condemned
myself to a lesser state or something.
I’ve recently taken up biking, and enjoy riding around the
streets of Provo. I frequently pass the construction site of the Provo
Tabernacle/ City Center Temple. I often think back to the morning following the
fire that destroyed the building. I was producing and anchoring a morning radio
newscast and the fire was the big story of the day. A short time later, I was
told that someone who dealt with security of the Tabernacle received
notification that an alarm was going off in the building the night of the fire.
That person checked with an advisor and was told not to worry about it. Even
after a second alarm notification sounded, the warnings were left alone until
it was too late. Some might say the warnings or notifications were disregarded,
excused, dismissed, or "not heeded," until it was "too
late." The result? One of the older church buildings of this dispensation
burned into a hollow shell.
I’m sure a number of people involved in the fire feel awful
about a missed opportunity to check something that may have prevented the loss
of the building. I can’t imagine the guilt and pain I might feel if I were in
that situation. But less than a year later, something beautiful happened. In
the 2011 October General Conference, President Thomas S. Monson announced the
empty shell of the tabernacle would be restored and dedicated as a temple.
As a tabernacle the building served a wonderful role as a
community gathering center for cultural performance. It was a landmark honoring
the area’s faithful founders. I regret that I never took the opportunity to
visit the building prior to the fire. But now as a temple this building will,
in a sense, become perfect. It will be able to do so much good for so many
generations of people. It will become a more holy and sacred place than it was
before because of a missed opportunity.
I don’t know whether or not the church had plans to
eventually turn the tabernacle into a temple and the fire just pushed those
plans to the front of the line, or if the building would have just remained the
great place it was before the fire. But I do look at it as an example that just
because we make mistakes or we choose one good thing over another good thing
does not mean that we will never be able to be as good or better than we would
be if we’d chosen differently.
More recently I’ve been reviewing the last couple years of
my life and wondered if I might be happier if I’d made few different decisions
and avoided some mistakes. Thousands of years ago, a wise father once counseled
his son “[God] shall consecrate thine afflictions for thy gain.” Mistakes have
consequences, sometimes very serious consequences. I believe God doesn’t want us
to knowingly choose the wrong path, because He understands the pain that path
will cause us. But He also understands that we will make those mistakes, and we
can learn and grow because of those mistakes. I’m grateful for a merciful God
who can use my mistakes to turn me into something better than I was before. I
believe that if I’m trying my best to do what’s right, I won’t have to wonder
if I’m missing out on a better life. Just like the tabernacle, God can restore
and perfect me.
Wow, that is exactly a response to some of my current questions. Great thoughts, Natalie!!
ReplyDeleteWhat a great post. Adult decisions are so scary but it's comforting to know that they don't have to condemn us forever if we are doing our best with the information we have to choose the right path. Thanks!
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