Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Guest Post: Natalie Tripp

Handling the What-Ifs

Regret is a word that instantly twists my stomach in knots. Either because a) I made a mistake and feel bad about making it and haven’t yet forgiven myself even though I’ve done my best to make the situation right again or b) because it gives me anxiety that I maybe I could have made a better choice somewhere down the line and will forever miss out on whatever opportunity I might have had. 

Opportunities come and go. There isn’t anything we can do to make sure we take every great opportunity that comes to us. But I’ve always struggled to reconcile with my past choices. I get anxiety over the “should’ve…could’ve….would’ve” moments in my life, and wonder if my life will ever be as good as it could have been if I would have just done things differently or ‘right’ the first time around, and now I must have condemned myself to a lesser state or something.

I’ve recently taken up biking, and enjoy riding around the streets of Provo. I frequently pass the construction site of the Provo Tabernacle/ City Center Temple. I often think back to the morning following the fire that destroyed the building. I was producing and anchoring a morning radio newscast and the fire was the big story of the day. A short time later, I was told that someone who dealt with security of the Tabernacle received notification that an alarm was going off in the building the night of the fire. That person checked with an advisor and was told not to worry about it. Even after a second alarm notification sounded, the warnings were left alone until it was too late. Some might say the warnings or notifications were disregarded, excused, dismissed, or "not heeded," until it was "too late." The result? One of the older church buildings of this dispensation burned into a hollow shell. 

I’m sure a number of people involved in the fire feel awful about a missed opportunity to check something that may have prevented the loss of the building. I can’t imagine the guilt and pain I might feel if I were in that situation. But less than a year later, something beautiful happened. In the 2011 October General Conference, President Thomas S. Monson announced the empty shell of the tabernacle would be restored and dedicated as a temple.

As a tabernacle the building served a wonderful role as a community gathering center for cultural performance. It was a landmark honoring the area’s faithful founders. I regret that I never took the opportunity to visit the building prior to the fire. But now as a temple this building will, in a sense, become perfect. It will be able to do so much good for so many generations of people. It will become a more holy and sacred place than it was before because of a missed opportunity.

I don’t know whether or not the church had plans to eventually turn the tabernacle into a temple and the fire just pushed those plans to the front of the line, or if the building would have just remained the great place it was before the fire. But I do look at it as an example that just because we make mistakes or we choose one good thing over another good thing does not mean that we will never be able to be as good or better than we would be if we’d chosen differently.

More recently I’ve been reviewing the last couple years of my life and wondered if I might be happier if I’d made few different decisions and avoided some mistakes. Thousands of years ago, a wise father once counseled his son “[God] shall consecrate thine afflictions for thy gain.” Mistakes have consequences, sometimes very serious consequences. I believe God doesn’t want us to knowingly choose the wrong path, because He understands the pain that path will cause us. But He also understands that we will make those mistakes, and we can learn and grow because of those mistakes. I’m grateful for a merciful God who can use my mistakes to turn me into something better than I was before. I believe that if I’m trying my best to do what’s right, I won’t have to wonder if I’m missing out on a better life. Just like the tabernacle, God can restore and perfect me.

2 comments:

  1. Wow, that is exactly a response to some of my current questions. Great thoughts, Natalie!!

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  2. What a great post. Adult decisions are so scary but it's comforting to know that they don't have to condemn us forever if we are doing our best with the information we have to choose the right path. Thanks!

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