How To Find Happiness

Will The Future Ever Change?, or Discouragement

Discouragement is fear that the future won't change, that what has happened and is happening will always happen. It is a lonely place. It feels like it needs to be dealt with alone; it makes it hard to let others close. It is dark and overshadows life to the point that there is no future, just an overwhelming sense of confusion, disappointment, and frustration.

When I was 9 or 10, I played in a big group violin concert in Salt Lake City. I played in the two easiest group pieces of the night, but I was rather proud of them. However, the last group of the concert, which included a little boy very much younger than me, played the 3rd movement of Mendelssohn's Violin Concerto in E minor. It is one of my favorite pieces; it's fast, beautiful, and terribly difficult. As we rode home in the van, I can still remember how terribly discouraged I felt. I felt like I had been left behind, that my violin playing was worthless. I thought of giving up violin altogether. Certainly I would never be able to play anything like that piece. Ever. 

My parents helped me through my discouragement and I didn't give up the violin. And I'm glad I didn't.  However, as I've grown up and gone through serious situations which have left me feeling deeply discouraged, I've certainly had thoughts of "nothing will ever change." But, I've learned from my own experience that allowing the Lord to be with me as I am and as I feel truly helps me calm down and see things clearly. Lots of times He hasn't changed what's going on. But He often reminds me of the Plan of Salvation and how this life is a time of education, how trials are essential facilitators of that education, and how I have a Savior who does help me and strengthen me and understand me and pick me up and help me keep going. Or, God will simply validate my pain or remind me how much He loves me.

Though it can be hard to remember, it's ok if God has helped us with a certain problem before and we are again afraid or sad or discouraged about it. God never gets annoyed or tired of helping us.

Giving up is not the only option when we face discouragement. Turning to our Heavenly Father over and over and over again through honest prayer, and trusting again and again that His true desire is actually for us to be happy, and accepting that He really does have a perfect personal plan for us puts us in a place where we can accept the solace and perspective we need. We can hold onto God with our trust (faith), even though we are down. God will never give up on us. Never. Even if our commitment gets a little soggy. If we will just hang on to Him,  He will lead us back into the light.

A Thought on Prayer, or Honesty

Honesty in prayer is one indication of our understanding and acceptance of God's love for us (meaning that He doesn't just love our behavior or our compliance to His will). We show our trust in Him by approaching Him in prayer as we are, not as we hope to be or appear.

The Savior was very honest in His prayers. He told God how He was feeling when He said, "O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me."

We will learn about God's personality as we pray honestly to Him. We will learn of His perfect understanding, His compassion, and His complete love for us.

But I'm So Weak, or I'm Having Enough Trouble With Myself

 

I have recently been struggling with feeling so very weak and down. Especially during times like this, I often struggle with fierce feelings of independence. I want to do things by myself. I want the Lord to strengthen me just enough so I can start doing things on my own again. However, as I have been taught again and again, I both cannot and am not expected to go through hard times by myself. Or easy times. I am not strong enough. And that's kind of the point.

All of our strength and ideas to do good things come from the Lord. All of our hope is in Him, not in ourselves.

And Jesus is a person, not an idea.

While we are weak, He is not. He's really understanding. And patient. And persistent. He won't ever give up on us, even if we give up on ourselves or on Him for a little while. Our perspective is sometimes blurred, and we're not perfect, but we aren't expected to be right now. The point of living the gospel is to receive His strength and to have Him tutor us, to teach us to become like Him.

Elder Neal A. Maxwell expressed an interesting thought: "Though we feel weak, our help is much needed by those...who will be undertaking the very same 'mighty change' in their hearts and lives."

There are people in my life who are such strengths to me, and it's odd to think that they are having their own challenges, but they are. The point is that we are all living through a difficult experience. We may need help, but everyone around us does too. We don't need to look very far to find someone who needs encouragement. The Lord has given us families and friends who we are sometimes uniquely able to help. While we are not able to help solve or take on everyone's problems, we can lift when we can and encourage others to allow Christ to help them.

As we lean on each other, we can help each other look to Christ, our Friend who is also our only true source of comfort and strength. He will shoulder (for He already has!) and lift our burdens in personalized ways as we give them to Him. And He will help us to help "succor the weak, lift up the hands which hang down, and strengthen the feeble knees (Doctrine and Covenants 81:5)" of others as He lifts up and strengthens our own weak hands and knees.

Did I Misunderstand?, or Was Something Supposed to Happen?

One time when I was sitting at General Conference, I had the distinct impression that I should teach seminary for my job. I had prayed for direction regarding what I should do, and this answer had come. I registered for a seminary teaching class that next semester at school. While taking that class, I realized that I didn't want or need to be a seminary teacher and that I have a different skill set that I am to use in a different job. Since then, I have never known quite what to do with those feelings and thoughts I received at General Conference. If I had prayed and God gave me an answer, why did that answer suddenly change? I must've just misunderstood or something.

Or maybe not. I've since learned that God was guiding me. Looking back, that seminary teaching class was one of the most helpful classes I ever took. It helped me be a better teacher at work. I learned valuable teaching skills that I will need and use for the rest of my life. Those skills are so valuable for me and for what I'll be doing that I think God directed me to look into seminary teaching so that I would take that class, a class that I never would've taken without being directed to it.

Sometimes we can feel that maybe we've made a mistake - we received guidance but the end result was disappointing. Nothing worked out like it was supposed to. We know God doesn't make mistakes, but sometimes it's hard to understand what He's doing. He leads us by the Spirit, but then things don't appear to work out. But, in reality He is perfectly and purposefully guiding us to where we need to be, who we need to be with, and to experiences that will help us learn what we need to learn.

God loves us. That knowledge is essential for us to have in order to accept that He has a purpose and plan for each of His children. He's got it all straight in His mind; He doesn't get confused or make mistakes. He does guide us. He speaks to us through the Spirit in a way that we will understand what He's saying. He's got everything under control. And one day, we will be able to look back and say, "Ok. Now I understand. Things had to work out just like they did for me to get here."

Being clean and obedient is so important because as we are, we can feel confident that we are feeling the Holy Ghost and being guided. If we are doing our best, we can pray and then listen with confidence (Doctrine and Covenants 121:41-46). We can be assured that God is talking to us in a way that we will understand. We can then walk forward with confidence that He is leading us to where we need to be, even if we can't quite see how or why He's taking us in this certain direction. But, He knows why. And we can find peace in knowing He's got things under control.

I Will Lead You Along, or The Uncertain Future

I'm getting ready to take the GRE (the required test to get into some graduate programs). In just a little while, I will need to make some big decisions that will determine where I will be living for the next few years. The future is unknown to me, but I want to be where I should be, yet I really don't know where that is.

However, as I look back on my life, I can see that the Lord has gently led me to where I need to be, and most of the time I didn't even know I was being led. When I got home from serving my mission in New York City (which was exactly where the Lord knew I needed to be - more New York later), I was heading back to BYU. I was the first of my friends to come home, so I had to find an apartment for us to live in. I went down to Provo with my mom to try to find a place. We looked around all morning, but when we came to a certain apartment complex and went into the model apartment, I just said that we would live there. But, it wasn't really a very dramatic feeling or anything like that. It was just where we would live. I ended up living there for two years, and it was there that I met some of the most important people of my life. I was taught and supported and loved by some of my best friends I've ever had. But, that morning I didn't know I was being led. But I was.

Jesus knows how to perfectly guide us. We hear and are influenced by His voice through the Holy Ghost. Sometimes He'll guide us through our own feelings. Or other times, other people are inspired to help us; we can be led through the words of a teacher, a prophet, friend, family member, or stranger. Either way, knowing Jesus helps us trust Him and that He will never leave us alone. He loves us. He's our friend. He will lead - and by doing so, teach - us in the perfect and most effective way. And we can find peace in knowing that He always, always keeps His promises. 

"Verily, verily, I say unto you, ye are little children, and ye have not as yet understood how great blessings the Father hath in His own hands and prepared for you;

"And ye cannot bear all things now; nevertheless, be of good cheer, for
I will lead you along."

Doctrine and Covenants 78:17-18